A year later…
Well, minus a few weeks. Close enough.
Anyway, it’s been almost a year since everything fell apart. It has been a longer period of time without all of them than it was with all of them- September to May, that’s only nine months. So how is it that those nine months still mean so much to me, even twelve months later?
I’m still filled with curiosity, what happened to all of them after I stopped being a part of it? Who still talks to whom? Is there anyone new? Do they still have the same jobs, the same situations, the same hopes and troubles and fears? Do they still RP, and if so, how does that go these days? What other things have they discovered about themselves, and I have no clue? And it’s impossible to not wonder if/how they still think about me.
As for me, a year ago I was in a bad place. This was all hitting me pretty hard, and pretty much consumed my every stray thought; really reflected on my sense of self worth. Even with Eric in my life, I was still distracted and wasn’t really letting him in. I think I’ve been on anti-depressants for roughly as long, and it can be hard to tell if they’re doing anything sometimes, but I do know things aren’t so glum as I remember them being a year ago. I lost my Walmart job in June, so that added insult to injury, but found something similar enough in Kroger in October. There was an interesting break in February, where I traveled to Texas and got a small bit of insight into one of them, but I’m not sure how much more potential that has. There’s only so much you can skirt around a sore subject, even with all the fun we had that weekend.
And the thing that brought us all together- Steam Powered Giraffe… Wow. In the twenty months since I first found them, they’ve changed to a point where they’re hardly recognizable. Calling Bunny “she” has gone from a wink-and-a-nod knowledge of only the hardcore fans to second nature for anyone who knows her. Sam is still an inspiration, with the level of detail he manages to put into an art form that he’s still learning to catch up to with every performance. It’ll be sad to go to M2X and not see Michael Reed bouncing around in the hallways, but I’m withholding judgement on that decision until after I see the new format of the show.
And Mk III? Wow. Talk about inspiration. Every new song presents a fantastic outlet for interpretation, imagination, and yet further roleplay. I can’t wait for Album 4, where we had better frickin’ get Fire Fire and Daughter of Space! Maybe Overdrive or Fabricated Blue if we’re lucky, it can be really neat to see the progress of these songs that have been sitting on the backburner for so long.
But the best news of all is the actual, tangible progress I’ve made in a year. I finally made it out of school with a diploma in December, and have started to get more involved in the arts. The Spine-inspired piece I’m working on now is bigger than anything I’ve ever attempted, and I feel like I’m really starting to break out of this little niche in the furry fandom that I shoved myself into back in 2009. It’s a slow process, but you gotta start somewhere.
Thanks to Eric, I’ve been getting out more- we go to the movies, to the zoo, to COSI (which I sent an application in to later!), and most of all, to visit with his friends. I’ve gotten involved in their tabletop groups, Pathfinder and Pokemon RPG, and have been having a lot of fun using those to bring under-developed original characters to life, after they’ve been floating around in my head for YEARS. Even if they’re not in the stories they came from anymore.
In the meantime, my Peter VI may not be quite so canon as I’ve always tried to make him, but the concept of taking things into space is a lofty goal that can be fun to work towards. It would be great if I could do that with the old gang, but they have their agendas and I have mine. I’ll be happy if I can find anyone to come with me at all. I know I’ll never have that connection with someone else like I did with them, but… after what happened at the end, that’s probably for the best. I’d rather float adrift past everyone than cling to one of them and cause us both to sink.